i everybody! Nobody in
their right mind would care very much about this
particular entry but you know what? I don't care,
so I'll just say something to show how much I don't
care, PINTO BEAN! There, now that this little bout
of craziness has subsided let's get on with things.
My name is Ian, which is what nobody shall ever call me so let's start again... again.
My fake name is Belgarion, which I borrowed from one of my favorite books, The Belgariad, which is right up there with Hitchhikers, which inspired me to write with a lack of periods, or didn't you notice? Anywho I suppose I need a thesis to this seemingly random clutter of words I threw together in a moment of boredom, obligation, and philosophical instability. SO let's talk about me, because I'm so conceited.
I'm a hell of a guy. That much you should have figured out, and if you didn't shame, shame, shame. You see I'm cool, smart, ruggedly handsome, about 7 feet tall with a sort of Antonio Banderas look about me, and you can't disprove any of it because you don't have a picture. HA! So since any physical
description is obviously useless due to lack of
proof, pro or con, let's move on to other aspects
of my rapidly increasing in popularity personality.
I'm a pessimist, which you are probably surprised
about because pessimists are gothic doomsayers, who
don't believe anything will ever work, as they sit
back complaining about why life sucks so much...
man those guys are annoying. See I'm a pessimist
sure, I occasional even go out and pronounce doom
throughout the land of southern Arizona, what's
Arizona you may ask? You know those big cactuses
you see in Wile E Coyote cartoons? That's about all
there is in Arizona. Anywho though I'm what I
prefer to call a positive pessimist. I'm so upbeat
about everything you could choke. Do you know how
disconcerting it is to hear somebody happily
chatting about how disgusting the American government is? It's really rather fun but you wouldn't know because you aren't me which is a shame because anyone would love to be me, I know I love to be me. You might notice I'm not serious. So I'm an unserious, upbeat, doomsayer. There's a shmuck you don't see every day. Of course there are a lot of interesting quirks about my personality but if everyone knew everything about me then I wouldn't be the interesting spontaneous person I am. I only know 56% about myself and the rest is a mystery to the universe. 42!
So let's get down to business and enter my Bio.
I was born, I think that had a really big impact on my life. So I was born at some hospital in Sacremento California which I don't remember the name of since I don't give a damn. Did you notice I cuss a bit? Beside the point of course it may get edited later for content which would be vaguely annoying, BUT MOVING ON! I was one of those bastard children, not
figuratively but literally. My mom married my dad when I was about 1 1/2 so that was good for me I'd say. I don't know because I was busy being too lazy to learn how to go to the bathroom at the time. I talked quite well, or so I'm told. It seems talking required little effort so I'd annoy my family quite a bit. The best thing about being a baby is that you can get away with anything. I think I'd like to insert a devil smilely face here but that won't happen so just assume it's there. Later on the base we lived on (my dad
was in the military) shut down, which just sucked.
So we had to move to a different base. I always
like to say we moved to Tucson, Arizona to escape
the law, which is true. We came here instead of
somewhere else in CA because my dad was a bit sick
of California taxes. Horrendous is a commenly used
word. So we ended up in the
middle of a desert without a horse who has no name.
It's quite annoying to have your stereotypes
disillusioned like that when you are only 7. Oh well. So let's skip to the general stuff. When the rest of the staff in Santharia was playing with legos and Lincoln Logs and building nuclear accelerators I was on the couch, playing with my Super Nintendo or watching TV. I failed a few elementry classes for that, the good thing about elementry school is that they will let you pass no matter what. It seemed that despite the couch potato I was two things didn't happened. 1.) I didn't get fat 2.)
I didn't become one of those morons who plague
society nowadays. It's so great to have a smart
family because then you, by default, become smart.
And somehow I became instilled with a superiority
complex, not sure where but I had the urge to be
better. Of course I was lazy too. How you have the
ambition but not the drive I don't know but it's
possible. So I was trying to become smarter than
the rest of my family, surpassed sis, tied bro,
didn't even touch mom, and I am not sure about dad.
But let's get away from this boring stuff and go onto my trek to Santharia.
OK My friend, Tommy, found this interesting site on
the web which had a bunch of kick booty places, it was called Tucows. This happenned like 3 years ago so... wow. Anyways from Tucows it led me to an interesting place called the AAA. Alien Adoption Agency. Quite fun really. Think Neopets only way less cutesy wootsy. Anyways being in a totally automated place like that gets boring after a while. In the AAA's chatroom I found someone advertising a Dragon Ball Z RPG. Don't ask I don't want to talk about it. I admit I was in one of those pathetic RPGs. And it was, didn't last a week. But that directed me to the mother DBZ RPG which wasn't as bad but it is still one of em and for anyone who knows them, they all suck. But the guy who ran it was damned good. After it fell through, after a full 7 months, yowza, the webmaster invited me, the
shining bit of glory in the vast piece of junk we
call DBZ. So he led me to a forum based RPG called
the Island of Elements. Which is subtley mentioned in a few other
profiles here but they don't feel like openly saying the name, I find that insulting. Anyways this place was essentially a world the guy invented, which was the setting. But that was about all. There was a basic plot but most people ignored it and just had a hoopla of fun. It basically turned out to be a small gathering of writers to just play with each other. Well the place crashed and during that time it was as if all hope was lost. You know because I had all this writing in me and nowhere to do it, So I followed Xarl and Zen over here. To the infamous Santharia. Zen happens to be Tarq's old name, Xarl of course is that interdemensional planeswalker who doesn't seem to need to change. Good for him. So I got here. And woohoo! I was in a story again! Later on I even went on to start building stuff to put on the planet so I could play god. Nothing makes a guy like me happier than laying god. So there you have it. I'm here in a way too long profile which should now be renamed an Auto
Birography. But that's beside the point isn't it.
Good Night New York! I'm here all week! - Now
wasn't that fun? Onto personal preferences.